My target was to watch 104 films this year - which didn’t seem widely ambitious. I love films. But I only managed to cram in 60 - and often I would go weeks without seeing one film and then see 4 in a weekend or a day. This was because I got to spend a lot more time this year making my own films - and helping other people make films and TV shows. It’s not a bad reason to miss a target.
Considering one of my biggest irritations was that only 56 films with female screenwriters had been nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, there’s a pleasing symmetry that 56 of the films I watched this year had female screenwriters - that was entirely coincidental.
Of those 60 films 48 had a female director with only 4 films had a male co-director. 30 were female writer/directors.
So much good TV shows this year … 172 hours!
I enjoyed everything I watched apart from The Affair - and that was a show I was already watching pre-2019 and that I just had to finish (God, Series 5 was a chore).
Actually, there was one show I stopped watching - The Marvellous Mrs Maisel, which is beloved by many just did not grab me. I had absolutely no sympathy for the main character and after two, maybe three episodes I jgave up and decided there were better things to watch.
And I Love Dick kinda changed my life. I’ve had massive debates with people about the sexual politics but ultimately that didn’t matter to me. Because I’ve spent my whole life fearing sexual/romantic rejection - I’ve hidden my unrequited desires because I was ashamed they even existed. And this TV series made me question why I should be ashamed of being attracted to someone who didn’t want me - why I had to hide or outright deny my feelings. And I realised it’s not having those feelings, or owing them or accepting them that’s a problem - it’s how you behave towards the object of your affection because of those feelings. If you can respect boundaries, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being open about how you feel - even if its not reciprocated.
I haven’t started posting letters on the street but I have started to be less afraid of rejection, I’ve been more upfront with my attraction and desire - and the sky has not fallen on my head. But I’ve also become less obsessed with the need to be seen as desirable - and the combination of those two elements has been incredibly freeing.
Maybe what I Love Dick is saying isn’t particularly revelatory or unique to anyone else but it said something to me that I had spent over twenty years needing to hear and it said it in a way that I could finally listen.
It changed me. That’s what great Art does.
I directed my 1st documentary this year - a short one about menstruation - but yet I did not prioritise documentaries … I am a fiction lover, it’s true.
Which is weird considering so many documentaries tell genuinely unusual and bizarre stories. There is nought so queer as actual real people. The three documentaries I saw this year were all excellent - and Hail Satan was hilarious and thought-provoking.
And stand up specials - not usually my thing but I’m really glad I got to discover Katherine Ryan’s work - and see some more Josie Long.