How do you measure a year

My target was to watch 104 films this year - which didn’t seem widely ambitious. I love films. But I only managed to cram in 60 - and often I would go weeks without seeing one film and then see 4 in a weekend or a day. This was because I got to spend a lot more time this year making my own films - and helping other people make films and TV shows. It’s not a bad reason to miss a target.

Considering one of my biggest irritations was that only 56 films with female screenwriters had been nominated for an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, there’s a pleasing symmetry that 56 of the films I watched this year had female screenwriters - that was entirely coincidental.

Of those 60 films 48 had a female director with only 4 films had a male co-director. 30 were female writer/directors.

So much good TV shows this year … 172 hours!

I enjoyed everything I watched apart from The Affair - and that was a show I was already watching pre-2019 and that I just had to finish (God, Series 5 was a chore).

Actually, there was one show I stopped watching - The Marvellous Mrs Maisel, which is beloved by many just did not grab me. I had absolutely no sympathy for the main character and after two, maybe three episodes I jgave up and decided there were better things to watch.

And I Love Dick kinda changed my life. I’ve had massive debates with people about the sexual politics but ultimately that didn’t matter to me. Because I’ve spent my whole life fearing sexual/romantic rejection - I’ve hidden my unrequited desires because I was ashamed they even existed. And this TV series made me question why I should be ashamed of being attracted to someone who didn’t want me - why I had to hide or outright deny my feelings. And I realised it’s not having those feelings, or owing them or accepting them that’s a problem - it’s how you behave towards the object of your affection because of those feelings. If you can respect boundaries, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being open about how you feel - even if its not reciprocated.

I haven’t started posting letters on the street but I have started to be less afraid of rejection, I’ve been more upfront with my attraction and desire - and the sky has not fallen on my head. But I’ve also become less obsessed with the need to be seen as desirable - and the combination of those two elements has been incredibly freeing.

Maybe what I Love Dick is saying isn’t particularly revelatory or unique to anyone else but it said something to me that I had spent over twenty years needing to hear and it said it in a way that I could finally listen.

It changed me. That’s what great Art does.

I directed my 1st documentary this year - a short one about menstruation - but yet I did not prioritise documentaries … I am a fiction lover, it’s true.

Which is weird considering so many documentaries tell genuinely unusual and bizarre stories. There is nought so queer as actual real people. The three documentaries I saw this year were all excellent - and Hail Satan was hilarious and thought-provoking.

And stand up specials - not usually my thing but I’m really glad I got to discover Katherine Ryan’s work - and see some more Josie Long.

The Best Films I Watched in 2019 (that I hadn't seen before)

1. Booksmart: On the last day of high school two best friends discover they’ve needlessly missed out on all the fun and go on an epic rager. Funny. So funny. Smart. So smart. Full of heart and with two awesome leads.

2. Unrelated: A woman in turmoil joins an old friend and her family for an Italian holiday and is drawn into a flirtation with a much younger man. Joanna Hogg showed me how to make the tiny dramas compelling.

3. You Were Never Really Here: Joaquin Phoenix plays a loner with mother issues who goes on a violent rampage. But he is not a misogynistic asshole. Lynne Ramsay makes an impeccably-composed film about the brutality of violence and what it does to those who wield its power.

4. The Farewell: A young woman goes to visit her terminally-ill grandmother who everyone is pretending is perfectly healthy. Lulu Wang tells her own story with wit - examining the immigrant experience and familial love through a Chinese American perspective.

5. And Breathe Normally. Two struggling mothers find a way to help each other. A beautiful spare story about the importance of connections and putting humanity over bureaucracy.

6. Leave No Trace: A young woman outgrows the father who has raised her alone in the wilderness. A tender, beautiful story of the love between a parent and daughter that shows those trying to live on the fringes of society.

7. The Favourite: A love triangle and power play between three complex women. Absurdist. Theatrical. Utterly unique. Hilarious and moving.

8. Little Women: Greta Gerwig takes a bold approach to the classic tale and pulls it off with heart and style.

9. Mustang: 5 teenage sisters in rural Turkey are put under lock and key and slowly married off. Claustrophobic. Eye-opening. Sad but still beautiful. Realistic and tender examination of the bonds of sisterhood under trying circumstances.

10. Can You Ever Forgive Me? A misanthropic writer starts selling forgeries to make ends meet. An entertaining forgery caper mixed with a moving portrait of a lonely soul.

The Best TV Shows I Watched in 2019

1. Unbelievable (Series 1) The survivor of a brutal rape is further traumatised when her story is not believed. Meanwhile two female detectives do dogged police work to try and catch a serial rapist. This miniseries was everything so I hoped it would be and more. This will break your heart and rebuild it.

2. I Love Dick (Series 1): A mediocre filmmaker becomes obsessed with a famous artist (who is has given her husband a residency) and in pursuing him discovers her true artistic talents. This may be marmite but I found it revelatory and altering: it genuinely challenged and changed my own feelings about rejection and how women should express desire. Kathryn Hahn is fearless. This is daring TV with complex, challenging characters that experiments with form.

3. Russian Doll (Series 1): A woman keeps dying on her 36th birthday and has to resolve past issues to break out of the loop. The plotting, the humour, the characters. This was an amazing exploration of trauma and growth.

4. Tuca and Bertie (Series 1): 2 Humanoid Birds experience the trials of being in your early 30s and female while navigating relationships, careers, families and past traumas all through an absurdist lens.

5. This Way Up (Series 1) A woman recovers from an acute period of mental stress and breakdown and tries to rebuild her life with a chronic mental health condition. So touching and funny and relatable.

6. Chewing Gum (Series 1&2): A virgin from a very religious family tries to get laid. Smart, funny with sharp writing & epic performances.

7. Sex Education (Series 1): A shy teenager becomes a sex therapist. This examines teenage life & relationships without pandering or censorship.

8. GLOW (Series 3) Our diverse cast of female wrestlers head to Las Vegas. I loved this show already and Series 3 had me laughing out loud and tearing up.

9. The End of the F**king World (Series 2) While on its face this is a just a quirky “teens gone bad show” it’s actually about grief and trauma.

10. Fleabag (Series 2) After a year of “Hot Priest” mania this hasn’t aged as well in my memory but it was still amazing.

The Worst Films I Watched this Year

1. Rough Night: Rich women kill a stripper and whine about it. Boring & ludicrous.

2. Home Again: Rich woman is sad to be 40 so lets 3 strange men live in her house with her 2 young daughters. Why Nepotism is bad.

3. The Bad Batch: Silent girl has her limbs eaten by cannibal so kills a woman, kidnaps a child, and falls in love with the dead woman’s (cannibal) husband. Ludicrous and pretentious.

4. Unicorn Store: Quirky college drop-out wants a unicorn. Settles for the nice guy from the hardware store. Tedious & Inane.

5. Isn’t Romantic: Fat woman is violently attacked and during a coma dream, comes to believe it’s only her lack of confidence holding her back not societal bias. Cliched & Vacuous.

6. Wine Country: A group of rich women get drunk and fight cause one is 50 and one is divorced. Why you need a decent script editor.

7. Coming Home: Middle Class housewife in 1960s is liberated by having sex with Jon Voight. How did this win an Oscar for best script?

8. Destroyer: Corrupt & inept cop seeks revenge, gets lots of people and herself killed. Thinks it’s edgy. Isn’t.

9. The Land of Steady Habits: Rich man makes bad choices. Tedious.

10. Vita & Victoria: Two fascinating women reduced to their romantic entanglements. Affected & superficial.

I'm still watching ... so creepy

So it’s been almost eight full months of this project - and I’m still not finding the actual project itself a chore.

What I obviously am struggling with is the blogging - at least here. It’s become increasingly difficult to make time to write up my review here - or really, copy and paste the weekly update from Instagram.

So I’m not going to try at the moment but I will do a big blitz at some point in the future.

But I am still going on instagram - so please check out my reviews there: @watching_women - and look at that … a handy link in the corner, you say?

Why am I so unable to keep up with my blog?

Mainly work - yay! Since May I have directed a short film for BBC3, and have started editing our documentary, Bleed. Farset Films also has a further three shorts in development with NI Screen, two with guaranteed funding.

One of those shorts - Miss & Missus - I’m an Executive Producer and Mentor to our writer/director, Katie Murphy. And the other two I’m going to be writer/director/exec on - so it’s busy.

Plus - kid.

So to finish - I’m still writing up reviews just not here. I am still making films - check out our main website and twitter for more info!

I don’t think anyone is actually reading this anyway but hate those blogs that just trail off ………

The Sexual Frustrations of Young Women

Week 11

11th March – 17th March 2019

Lots of stuff going on in the real world this week during the evenings – visits from friends, applications for different funding opportunities, and a bloody cold. Which means, that apart from Derry Girls and Fleabag, the only thing I watched was Chewing Gum – but my gosh, what a treat it was.

Chewing Gum - Series 1 (2015)

Written & Created by Michaela Coel
Director: Tom Marshall

All4 
I remember seeing the ads for this on E4 back in 2015 and thinking, “I should watch that.” And I didn’t - possibly due to having a new baby, but who knows?

Well, this is bonkers and joyously so - and I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard at something in ages. This is BIG and broad comedy - Think Derry Girls cartoon level but set now in Tower Hamlets. Although Creator/lead actor Coel actually knows how to control her rubber face (unlike some people) - she can flip from stunning beauty to goon in a second and is not afraid to humiliate her lead character for a laugh. This is about sex and sexual frustration so the humour is very graphic - but it never feels exploitative. Tracey is the butt of the joke but not in a gross, misogynistic way - we’re laughing because she’s clueless not because she’s horny. She is allowed to own her sexual drive and never shamed for it. This show frowns on the forces of repression.

And the characters are all funny and sharp but have heart - Tracey is brilliant but hands down, Susan Wokoma as her sister, Cynthia, steals every scene she is in for me - the two play off each other brilliantly. 

There’s only one more series left to watch on All4 - which I’m sad about but glad I’ve discovered Coel and Wokoma for myself now and can see why there is so much buzz about both. 

Present Day Dystopia vs Comic Book Fantasy

Week 10

4th March – 10th March 2019

Capernaum

Director: Nadine Labaki
Writers: Nadine Labaki, Jihad Hojeily, Michelle Keserwany

The Lighthouse Cinema, Dublin

My god this film - it pure breaks you. I went to see this with my sister, Grainne, and she needed a proper hug after. 

This is similar to Andrea Arnold’s American Honey - a modern real-life dystopia. We are so obsessed in Western culture with dystopian, post-apocalypse stories ... but take away the zombies and the aliens and those ravaged, survival-focused lives are a reality for so many people in our world today.

And like The Walking Dead, things just get worse and worse for the characters in Capernaum and while there is connection and love, it’s not enough to stop bad things happening. 

But I’d also argue that while there are lots of people in this who do terrible things, the only character who comes close to a “villain” is the forger/trafficker who exploits the misery and hopes of desperate people for profit. 

But for the others ... The film takes pains to create understanding for the parents being sued by their son, even the man who takes an 11-year-old bride - the wider society and broken system is what is on trial here. Intergenerational poverty and a desperation to survive shapes the actions of everyone - even our protagonist, Zain, who must choose between letting himself and the 1-year-old in his care slowly starve to death (despite heroic efforts) or selling the child to a man who claims he will him a better life. 

We shouldn’t live in a world where a story like this believable. 

But I don’t know what we can do to change it. 

Labaki captures some amazing moments between her actors and early, I noticed how little sky she captured in her wide shots of Beirut - because her characters view is so obscured and crowded by the slums they habit. When Zain escapes to the seaside area, we have sky, we have blue - for a while there is the hope of something more ... but this disappears for us and for Zain. 

I am glad I watched this film but I will never watch it again - it’s just too draining despite its accomplishments.  

Captain Marvel

Directors: Anna Boden & Ryan Fleck
Writers: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck, Geneva Robertson-Dworet

Vue, Liffey Valley

Brie Larson is an amazing actor - her Oscar win for Room was totally justified and in Short Term 12 she was exceptional too. But here - she’s a little stilted. Maybe it’s because in contrast to the BIG performances going on around her, her dry, subtly, sarcastic wit doesn’t quite fit - like contrasting Daria with Ferris Bueller. Maybe it’s also cause some of the dialogue is so perfunctory and a bit crap. 

But I did enjoy this - unlike Wonder Woman, which I thought was one of the most boring films I have EVER seen - I had tried to fall asleep during only two films in the cinema - the other was Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. 

Captain Marvel I like more the more I think about it - how she rejects the mores of a society and refuses to play their games - and the Indiana Jones homage that displays this. How the most important relationships she has are with her best friend and niece, how she is pushing against sexism on intergalactic levels, how her mentor was a woman, how there is no love interest. How it comes down on the side the refugee searching for a home rather than imperial powers - there is lots to like here. And it’s fun - lots of nods to the 90s and Nick Fury’s origin story too. 

It’s great to see a Marvel movie headed by a lead female character - and with a writing/directing team that is two-thirds women. I think on a script level it means you get a lot of the above elements and there’s a good gender balance character-wise and from a directing perspective we get very few “she’s so sexy” shots and a costume that’s actually quite practical (no heels!!!). These things seem small but they matter. 

And the soundtrack is full of 90s female-fronted grunge bands, so that’s pretty epic too. 

Isn’t it Romantic

Director: Todd Strauss-Schulson
Writers: Erin Cardillo, Dana Fox & Kate Silberman

Netflix

No. No, it isn’t romantic. It’s just a load of romantic clichés and stereotypes crammed into a film - with maybe one or two laughs. And there’s no real satire, there’s no real commentary - and I’m sorry but Adam Devine is just not a viable romantic lead for me. Not in this and not in that other time-travel thing on Netflix that I can’t be bothered to look up.

I liked Rebel Wilson - and I want her wardrobe (apart from the Pretty Woman outfit) but by god her apartment was disgusting ... and she was supposed to be an architect, not a cupcake designer. 

There’s a little bit here about how invisible fat women can be in the workplace and to certain men BUT according to this film, it’s our own fault and all we need is a bit of confidence to overcome society’s issues with overweight people. Yay - if only I’d known. 

I had low expectations for this - and it didn’t disappoint or surprise. Watch The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Rom-Com episode instead - or in fact the whole damn series if you want an intelligent deconstruction of the genre 

What else?

I have also been watching Fleabag and Derry Girls but I’m going to wait a do a full series recap as both are only six episode runs.

All the Single Mothers

Week 9

25th February 2019 – 3rd March 2019

This week I watched three stories (Dirty John, Home Again, And Breathe Normally) with single mothers at their centre … and a fourth (The Breaker-Uppers) where a woman decides to become a single parent.

I’m going to do a separate, spoiler-filled post about those single mothers on screen but here’s the weekly round-up of what I was watching last week.

Dirty John – Series 1 (2019)

Director: Jeffery Reiner
Creator: Alexandra Cunningham 
Netflix

Despite my love of podcasts, I hadn’t listened to the one this series is based on because I’m not a fan of “True Crime” stories - I’m becoming increasing uneasy about them if I’m honest. 

But I had it in my head that this was supposed to be funny ... why, I don’t know. I did the same thing with Breaking Bad. 

This is not funny. It has a couple of laughs in places but it is very dark. And if you haven’t ever done internet dating, it will terrify you - and will maybe do that even if you have. 

This did not pan out as expected and instead of being another “bad man manipulates a naive woman” exploitation-fest it was at its core at exploration of the dynamics of abusive relationships. 

From both sides - what kind of environment can shape a man like John, and why a woman wouldn’t run away when she got a whiff of who he was - why it can be so hard to leave someone who is bad for you - even if they are very bad. Debra’s family history is actually very compelling.

But the direction is a little ropey and the acting and characterisation was a little stereotypical- I found Juno Temple alternating between irritating and inspiring. And there were a few narrative dead ends - Veronica’s Uber driver flirtation?!? I watched all 8 episodes in 2 nights - so this will draw you in - and Bana is very charming, even if he has never set me a light. And it was strange seeing Connie Britton play such a meek character after her firecracker, Tammy from Friday Night Lights.

Ultimately I think the take away from this series are threefold - don’t ignore red flags, don’t get married after two months, and raise your daughters on The Walking Dead 

The Breaker-uppers (2018)

Written & Directed by Madeline Sami & Jackie Van Beek
Netflix

This is bonkers. And good. But absolutely bonkers and the plot makes zero sense. I think some people have an idea that in comedies plot isn’t as important that the zany comedy can excuse uneven pacing and a lack of emotional journey - but that just leaves you feeling like it’s a hollow sketch show.

This is off-the-wall and there is a lot of good stuff but it just doesn’t hang together - it’s rare that I will stop watching a film mid-way and take a break. I did with this one and came back a couple of days later and did really enjoy the last half. But I think that was because of Ana Scotney’s Sepa is in more scenes in the 2nd half - she is hands down the funniest and best thing about this film. She is awesome.

This is so original and has such freshness and diversity and charm that I can almost forgive what a mess the script is and the how uneven the direction is ... so if you’re looking for something weird and accept its in a world of its own, you may like it. 

But it’s great to see two mid-thirties performers getting to take the lead and shape a comedy and this is very funny in places. They just need time to grow. 

Period. End of Sentence. (2018)
Director: Rayka Zehtabchi
Netflix

So this just won an Oscar for Best Short Documentary and it’s about menstruation so a lot of women are very happy. 

Menstruation is still such a taboo across the world - period stigma is alive and kicking - but the level of that stigma and how it affects the lives of women and girls varies vastly as this documentary shows.

The Pad Project seeks to give Indian women the means to produce low cost sanitary napkins - giving them access to effective sanitary products and new skills and a source of income. This documentary follows one of the workshops being set up in a small village outside Delhi and the effect it has on the lives of the women involved.

It’s inspiring, uplifting stuff … but there has been some controversy about its depictions of rural indian women and questions about the ethics of the filmmakers’ methods, so it’s worth approaching it with a sceptical eye and doing some reading around.

But it’s great that a documentary about menstration is getting any publicity and so I was delighted to see it’s accessible on Netflix. It’s part research for me as I’m about to make my first documentary ... and about periods but our focus will be different. 

Home Again (2017)

Written & Directed by Hallie Meyers-Shyer
Netflix

Trading on your parent/s successful career to get started in the same field is basically what the world is built on - and sometimes you get accomplished, interesting work like Sophia Coppola or Ivan Reitman produce. And sometimes you get this ... female wish fulfilment - as my sister Shona so elegantly summed up this film.

The script makes no sense, sets up lots of narrative dead-ends, is full of redundant characters that serve no purpose and seems to lack any focus or real plot. Plus, the supposed “villain” is actually the only person who behaves even vaguely like a sensible, real-world adult. Why did Reese Witherspoon agree to this? Favour city. 

This is the biggest stinker so far this year - and in a long while. If you are looking for saccharine romantic comedies - go watch some of Nancy Meyer’s films as she is a far superior filmmaker to her daughter. 

And Breathe Normally (2018)

Written & Directed by Isold Uggadottir
Netflix

This Icelandic film is sublime - the script is so perfectly crafted and subtle, the acting is beautiful, the direction is gorgeous. 

This is a story about solidarity - about two women in difficult circumstances who make a connection and both find a way to help the other. It is quiet, thoughtfully paced with minimal dialogue - so much is left to be inferred in the visuals and the looks between the characters. And windswept Iceland looks bleak but divine.

Films like this are exactly why I am doing this project - I would never had found the time or made the space for an Subtitled film about a single mother and an asylum seeker before - to much brain candy on offer elsewhere and I would have been worried about drudging through the horrors of the asylum system and the struggling of single parenting but I wanted a third film to round out the trio of Dirty John and Home Again and so picked this off my list.

And I’m so glad I did because while there is bleakness here ultimately Uggadottir has a belief in the decency of humanity and leaves us uplifted - exactly the kind of world-view I love.